Madison Beer Recalls Brother Finding Her on a 'Heavy Day' Where She Was Standing on Edge of Balcony

Madison Beer Recalls Brother Finding Her on a 'Heavy Day' Where She Was Standing on Edge of Balcony

Trigger warning: thoughts of suicide

Madison Beer is opening up about a time where she was having a “particularly heavy day.”

The 24-year-old singer recalls a time when her younger brother Ryder found her standing on the edge of a balcony in an excerpt from her upcoming book “The Half of It.”

Keep reading to see what she shares…

In the excerpt, Madison looks back at a time when she was 16 years old and had been dropped by her label and also had private photos of her leak.

She recalled climbing over the edge of a balcony and just standing there, looking at the ground.

“It was a lot of conflicting emotions for a newly sixteen-year-old girl to try to shoulder on her own. I felt like I was my own worst enemy. I retreated more and more into myself, and it was the beginning of some of the darkest years of my life, starting at age sixteen and following me into my twenties,” she shares, via People.

“Once, on a particularly heavy day, I climbed over the edge of my balcony in LA and stood there, a million thoughts running through my head as I stared down at the ground, my eyes going in and out of focus,” the songstress went on. “I don’t think I would have jumped. It was more about knowing that I could—that I had a way out if it became too much. Still, I lingered there for a long while, chilled by the fact that I wasn’t all that scared of being up so high.”

“My little brother found me and screamed for my parents, and as I climbed back over, listening to them all freak out, I was only confused why they were making such a big deal out of it. The thought of killing myself was so normal to me at that point that I had forgotten it wasn’t something everyone pondered on a daily basis,” Madison continued.

Read the full excerpt over on

Madison‘s book “The Half of It” will be released via Harper Collins on April 25th.

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of or contemplating suicide, there are many resources available. You can call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 to be connected to a skilled, trained counselors. You can also go to for more resources and information.

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Photos: Getty
Posted to: Madison Beer