Jessie Paege is getting candid about her recent battle with depression.
The YouTuber took to her Instagram to open up about not loving life in Los Angeles, and reveal her struggle with the disorder.
“(tw: suicidal thoughts,depression) I’ve always had mental health related struggles, but never depression. Not until the past year of my life…and it’s been progressively getting worse (also sorry for the pic not matching this i just need to feel like that b*tch rn),” Jessie shared. “I’ve recently been having thoughts like, I honestly wouldn’t care if this car crashed or I got ill. I realized…that’s not normal. I’ve dealt with suicidal thoughts before, but every time I’m back in Los Angeles alone, it HITS ME. I’m angry at everyone and everything.”
“The past month, I’ve flown back home to florida twice, after being in LA for two days. Yesterday was probably one of my worst days,” she continued. “It started from one thing and then suddenly, I was questioning everything in my life. Why do I even exist? I’m not going to lie, a large part of my depression comes from thoughts about my body. It’s so insanely hard to wake up, cry when I look in the mirror, work alone all day, and then come home to no one to celebrate any of my accomplishments with. I was genuinely close to REALLY hurting myself and I even did some things I’m not very proud of.”
“Through this trauma, I’ve realized who the good people in my life are (like @liquidverve and @megansavitt),” Jessie went on. “Anyways, I’m going to take a break for a bit and only post when I feel like it. No stressing about posting times or anything because my career is NOT MY SELF WORTH! That’s another big part of my depression, I feel as if no one actually views me as, me, and I’m just seen as my career accomplishments. In fact, I don’t even know who I am beyond my career. I’m going to find out and do some soul searching. I want to bring more people into my life that care more about jessie :’) Anyways, I’m going to think on this for a week and access how long I’ll be taking a break and what I need to heal”
Jessie recently tackled the subject of eating disorders with her new song and music video for “Skeleton”.
